Adventures in Polecat Hollow

In Polecat Hollow

2007-04-28T17:42:00.000-07:00

I am actually in Polecat Hollow this week - researching among other things.

It occurs to me that there is so much I don't know about skunks for instance:

Mission Statements

2007-03-17T15:57:00.000-07:00

The assignment in Sunday School last week was for each member to write a mission statement for his or her life?

It has frankly been a struggle for some of the folks in Polecat Hollow. Uncle Hinky wondered if they meant up until that point or beyond. At 105 he wonders how many more changes might be in store for him. He figures that if he can hand out a little more advice here and there and if someone takes it, his days will not be in vain. He said that. He even wrote it down. But he didn't give much more thought to it.

"It sounds good," he told Byron. "It's about what you'd expect an old goat to say."

Inside, he figured no one would ask for advise and he'd be under no obligation to actually give it - certainly free of the responsibility if it didn't work out.

Miss Prudence is not quite so old (but considerably older than anyone else she knows well) and is always looking forward with clarity and wonder. There are so many things she has not yet done to add to the list of all that she has experienced. Her mission, as she saw it, was to help some young folks along their way. However, she was not sure what that might look like.

Her heart was right however.

That is probably why all the Junior Goobies, led by Buster and Sally, eventually found their way to her house last week. It was not just the years, but how she had lived them. She gave each child a little bit different piece of advice based upon what she knew of each of them and what they told her as she asked some very searching questions.

"You just can't package this stuff," she told Hinky at Mabel's Teacup on Friday, feeling a bit more of an expert by this time. "Everyone is different and God has a special plan for everyone of those young people."

"We just have to be there to love and support them and guide them a bit."

About that time, Mayor Bryon T. Simpleton whizzed by the table.

"I could really use some of your time this afternoon to talk through some town issues. Are you busy at about 5?"

"I'll have to consult my datebook," Hinky chuckled. "I think I can work you in between naps."

It was about that time that it became especially clear to both of them what they would be doing for the next years of their lives.

New Game in Town

2007-03-11T15:42:00.000-07:00

Buster, Sally, Spike, Mahilda,Elmo, and Igmund G. Goodfellow III were a little bored last Saturday so they decided to invent a new card game. It is called "Snizzle."

There are three decks of cards involved. The object is to end up with all the cards (except those on the board).

Each participant gets 2 hands. They are competing against other players, but also against themselves.

If they get short on cards they can "merge" them into one hand. This is called a "dizzle." When they have enough for two hands again, it is called an "un-dizzle."

The last dizzle will be just before a "drizzle." When that happens, everyone else has folded. That is called a "fizzle."

So the object of Snizzle is to dizzle and undizzle until the last dizzle causes your friends to fizzle into your drizzle.

Some Things Never Change

2007-03-09T21:34:00.000-08:00

Happy times
Simple rhymes
Shiny new dimes
Trilling chimes
Mountain climbs
And the scent of Polecat Hollow

Moving In on a Good Thing

2007-03-07T17:27:00.000-08:00

There is a rumor that the City of Polecat Hollow is trying to annex Skunkville. Mayor Simpleton's office was contacted today and he categorically denied that he had appointed a study committee comprised of Igmund G. Goodfellow Senior, Billy Bud Blueblood, and Guy Dance to strategize on the matter at the February Redevelopment Board meeting.

This came as news to Goodfellow who was contacted this afternoon by reporters from KPU radio and The Scent of Polecat Hollow.

"The mayor seems to be confused in his recollections of that meeting," he said. "His exact quote was 'let's swallow them.'"

The mayor's response was that he was simply using that term to indicate affection as the larfer town sought ways to honor the smaller on their 100th aniversery. "You know how old folks used to tell kids that they were so cute they could just eat you up," he explained.

Apparently the town council of Polecat Hollow's cute counterpart isn't feeling the love. They have contracted with the law firms of S.Q, Eyre and Lee Gail Eese to ward off what they assume will be a hostile takeover attempt.

Mayor simpleton's interest in "honoring" Skunkville seems to have begun several weeks ago when a vein of gold was discovered within her city limits.

Flavius Flounders

2007-03-04T17:15:00.000-08:00

What we discovered in church today is that we simply cannot judge a braggard by his brags. There is more to Flavius than meets the eye. He has pain and struggles that no one knows and with a little patience and love, he can find his humble, centered self.

Falvius Flatulation

2007-03-03T12:21:00.000-08:00

I can't remember exactly when Flavius moved to town, but I do remember that it was an awful shock at the time. Like so many immigrants to Polecat Hollow, he had lost his sense of smell through a series of misfortunes and had migrated to the hills to be among his "own kind."

By, "his own kind," he would have described those with a high tolerance for odoriferous anomalies such as are frequent in our skunk affluent environment.

But, he didn't really get it. He was as pretentious as his name with all the ironies that are normally associated with conceit.

Flavius simply had the most uncanny ability to offend, belittle, and alienate with a tip of his nose skyward that the town had ever seen. He seemed to believe that he was better than everyone else and was intent upon presenting that image in every possible circumstance.

What the townsfolk did not know from the beginning and what would bring out their eventual characteristic compassion was something about his past and his own insecurities that I shall bring to your attention as the book unfolds.

For now, it will suffice to say that things are not always as they seem and people are not always what we see on the surface. Sometimes the reality is both more painful anmd wonderful than we expect. It takes sensitive souls with deep persistence and patient love to find out.

The Word Around Town

2007-02-02T13:04:00.000-08:00

The word around town is that some of the residents have been talking and it is creating quite a stir. There will be a meeting tonight at Mabel's Tea Cup. She'll keep the place open as long as necessary until this is sorted out and the leak is plugged.

Some of the news that has been coming out from "unnamed sources" and that remains unsubstatiated:

Uncle Hinkey's late night visits to the bowling alley when Miss Prudence Love just happens to show up.
Billie and Billy Bud Blueblood's rumored substitution of mountain oysters for similar products from local skunks leading to a decrease in population growth.
Mayor Simpleton's consideration of a 14th term.
A rumored movie and book deal to expose all the secrets of Polecat Hollow.
The Loyal Order of Goobers' annual skunk tail hat sale. Call 555-233-3322 for more information. Competitive prices and 3 styles to choose from.

Some call that gorilla marketing at its worst.

Update on the Leak

2006-09-19T21:24:00.000-07:00

The Mayor was able to intervene with the manager of the extraction plant to solve the problem we reported a while back.

Since I am witholding most of my material for a book, that is about all I can share.

But I will let this bit of information loose from my grip: It involved the entire Goober den, the Junior Goobies and some equipment brought in by a busload of masked chemists from Visalia, lots of hoses and sucking machines.

It was loud, but it was cleared up in a few days.

KPU radio reports that all is well in the Burg.

I apologize for the gap between reports. I'll try to do better.

Meter Matters

2006-08-29T15:02:00.000-07:00

Someone disconnected the musk meter in the extraction plant last week and there was heck to pay. While most PolcatHollowers relish the aroma of dissipated skunk scent, the concentration necessary to produce perfume is tantamount to overdosing on unsweetened chocolate.

Extractions are a delicate art.

Blogger Buzz: There are four lights

2006-06-10T21:12:00.000-07:00

Blogger Buzz: There are four lights

Let's try this again. Polecat Hollow is my attempt at fiction. A I agree, there should be more in the blogsphere.

The Dream

2006-06-03T20:08:00.000-07:00

Part 1 - The Dream

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Sally woke up with a start to find Buster knocking on her door. She lifted her sleepy head enough to take note of the time. It was 2:30 A.M. and Buster was now in her room with the light on looking as pale as a sheet.

“I had a dream,” he blurted out.

“I was dreaming too, big brother. At least I was until you scarred me to death. Whatever happened to running to Mom’s and Dad’s for comfort?”

“I’m too old for that, Sally. Besides, it wasn’t a nightmare. It was a dream.”

“Couldn’t it wait until morning?” Sally was sitting up now, but Buster was still standing over her.

“I needed to talk about it, “ Buster said. “I think God might have been talking to me or something weird like that. Last night before I went to sleep, I was reading a story about missionaries. When I prayed, I told the Lord that if He wanted me to be a missionary, He’d have to let me know.”

“Well, what’s so strange about that?”

“That was what the dream was about,” Buster said. “It was rather odd, not what I expected. I needed to tell you right away because it is about you too.”

Buster’s heart was still beating rapidly as he began to tell Sally the dream he had just experienced.

“In my dream,” he said, “we are all on a journey. We’re traveling down a road I have never seen before going somewhere we have never been before.”

“Is it scary?” Sally wanted all the details.

“A little,” Buster replied.

“Is it dark or light in your dream?”

“”It’s daytime, but there are some clouds in the sky and we can’t tell what the weather will be like.”

“Are we lost?”

“Not exactly lost,” Buster reflected. “We don’t really seem lost in the dream, but we’re not sure where the road leads either ... And yet, we do. That part is kind of confusing.”

“In the car,” Sally probed, “Are we happy or sad?”

“Happy, very happy. It was just so real ... It was like I had fallen asleep in the back seat and I woke up and we were riding along somewhere and that was real ... And then I woke up again and I was here and that was not as real. That’s what startled me.”

Horses to Water

2006-05-29T15:38:00.000-07:00

There is a saying in Polecat Hollow:

"You can lead a skunk to the extraction facility, but you can't make him stink."

I am not sure what that means, but it rings true.

Uncle Hinky says that a man is what a man is, what he will be whatever that pretty little girls wants him to be until the preachers says, "husband and wife."

"You can lead a man to the altar and after that, he may start to stink."

You see, I'm not sure what that means either.

Miss Prudence has never been married. Nor does she fancy herself an expert on men or skunks, but she does have her own version of the saying.

"The altar doesn't alter the alter-ego."

This is really getting to be a bit much for me.

Folks in my town just say whatever they want to say and don't spend a lot of time worrying about what anyone thinks about it or whether or not it makes any sense.

Eventually, something makes sense and it gains in popularity, repeated until no one remembers the meaning.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him tell you why he went along with you,

Cold May in PCH

2006-05-15T15:40:00.000-07:00

It is very cold in Polecat Hollow right now, the coldest May since as
far back as Uncle Hinkey can remember. It is so cold that the skunks are
all at least an hour late for extractions every morning. That's cold!

Backing Up to go Forward

2006-04-18T13:54:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my friend Ivy in the Religion Forum for giving me the ocassion to post this explanation of our town.

>>Hmmm........what is that? <<

Drive due East from Fresno in 180 and when the road ends keep going on I180 (That's I for imagination). Turn right at the summit where the sign says, "Doubleback." You are now in Doubleback County. Begin your descent and hold your nose. You'll pass the turnoff to Skunkville. Keep going. The musk factory will be on your left (Polecat Hollow Skunk Works). Never mind the line of Polecats awaiting daily extraction. It is painless and really quite pleasurable for them.

You'll notice an odor an it will get stronger and stronger as you get closer to town. Stop by Billie's House of Moutain Oysters just outside town and tell her the Mayor, Byron T. Simpleton sent you. That's me. She's my sister, you know. A lot of people don't know that, but she is.

I love her ... I guess ... Mom did .......

..... best.

But that is another subject. Billie Bluebud. She married Billie Bud Bluebud and they merged the diner with the visitor center back in 77. Billie Bud has an elixer that numbs the olfactories (sort of mimics the condition of the founders whose sense of smell was all shot to heck by the prairie dust storms back in 1879.) He offers that to visitors for 15 or 20 bucks - really cheap when you consider that you are now in the breeding ground for North American polecatery. You are situated in Skunk Central.

And we like it because that is the first thing we smelled when we came out of the womb. It's mother's milk and love and joy and fresh air to us.

As you can imagine, we are somewhat isolated. Not many folks come and stay; few leave (PCH flks just can't stand the odor outside our valley.)

Keep driving till you come to the Courthous. There will be a statue of Colonel Thadeous T. Hinklebeiner pointing Westward toward the promsed land - our town.

His group came out in 1879 after hearing rumors that there was a town in the High Sierra already built and ready for occupancy. It seems that the unnamed original settlers were strong and brave, but they came out before the Gold Rush in the winter and braved the elements to build a town - an extraordinary feat. But they were not sgtrong enough to withstand what the Sping thaw brought. It took them about two weeks to pack and head back to the East.

Not everyone is cut out for Polecat Hollow.

Uncle Hinkey is. In fact, he is the son of the Colonel and his third wife, born in the Colonel's post-golden years. You'll find him sipping coffe at Mabel's Tea Cup and if he's luncky this day, he'll be sharing a cookie with Miss Prudence Love a find woman in her nineties who taught most of us in Sunday School. People ask my uncle how he feels about dating a younger woman. He replies, "If she'd ever say, 'yes" I'd feel great aboput it."

Miss Prudence is accomplished in the art of playing hard-to-get.

Take a break and sit in the park under the Colonel's statue after school and you might see the daily ceremony of a contingent of the Loyal Order of the Goobers as they honor the flag. If it is on a Saturday, they will be joined by the Junior Goobies - Buster and Sally and their friends, Spike and Mahilda, Elmo, and Igmund G. Goodfellow III (Iggy).

Don't loiter there or you may have to answer some questions from Chief John R. D. Law. It will be OK though. We really do like visitors; we're just suspicious of them, so few and far between - especially when they have Yankee accents like you - no offense.

Yep, yep, yep .... that's my town. Thanks to you for asking and to Tom for letting me answer.

There are quite a few stories from my town and Tom will eventually either publish them or post them at www.polecathollow.net.

In fact, you just prompted him to write another entry.

2006-03-29T16:52:00.000-08:00

Uncle Hinky was delighted to hear the news Buster brought about Horace. In skunk years, Horace was Hinky's contemporary. In people years, that number is quite few.

Uncle Hinky, (aka Thaddeus T. Hinklebeiner Jr.) is the living legacy of the later years of his old daddy's life. Longevity and virility run in the Hinklebeiner family. The Colonel, Hinky Senior - otherwise known as "The Colonel," had been married two times before he came to Polecat Hollow in 1879. He was well into adulthood at as married three that point and a widower for many years. In fact, he did not marry again until 1900 and began to sire children every 18 months until a son came along - Uncle Hinky.

Ask him how many brothers and sisters he has had and he won't be able to tell you for sure, but he knows it is over 20 and he is the last of them In fact, there had been a junior for each wife, but all died before he was born.

This morning, he is savoring a cup of coffee at Mabel's Tea Cup, his regular haunt on mornings like this - and every other morning for that matter. He is waiting for his nephew, the Mayor, Byron T. Simpleton.

There is some story about the T in that family, but know one had told me yet. If I hear, I will let you know.

A few seconds ago, Hinky's heart leapt nearly out of his chest. He caught a glimpse of one of prettiest sights in Polecat Hollow. there she was. He had known her for all of her 95 years. Miss Prudence Love. He had been secretly carrying a torch for her since she was 16 years old a decked out in ruffles at a barn dance. Every time he sees her stepping briskly down the avenue, he sees that 16 year old girl and not the 95 year old Sunday School teacher.

The problem is that he has always been too shy to ask her for a date... and she, he believes, is too independent and self-assured to care.

What he doesn't know may be more important than what he does know.

Good News

2006-03-25T13:47:00.000-08:00

Some of the skunks in and around Polecat Hollow have been hybernating for the winter. The heartier souls have carried on their work and the domesticated ones have simply slept indoors.

There is a slightly diminished aroma during the darkest, coldest days of winter. If it were not for the musk factory and the constant byproducts of production from the fall extractions, folks would find the absence of skunk scent hard to bear. After all, once you have grown accustomed to something, change is very difficult.

So everyone, every year waits with anticipation for the Spring thaw and plans the first serendipidous celebration of the season upon the earliest siting of the grand awakening.

The Junior Goobies have set up observation outposts outside of caves and other known hiding places of their fury friends. They have also placed little snacks outside the entrances as a way of welcoming them to the new day.

Buster was so excited this morning that he could not contain himself. On his morning walk, he was checking some of the known spots and he saw the most delightful sight he has seen since the first snow of winter.

It was Horace.

He knew Horace because of his crooked stripe, droopy left eye, and what Buster and the kids swear is a grin. Horace came right up to Buster, rubbed his tail against his leg and ate a little snack right out of his hand.

It is not generally advised that children make a practice of feeding skunks or other wild animals, but this is Polecat Hollow and anything can happen.

The last I saw Buster, he was running to town to tell Uncle Hinky, Spike, Mahilda, his sister Sally, Elmo, and Igmund G. Goodfellow III (Iggy) the news.

Good news sure travels fast.

Introducing Uncle Hinky

2006-03-22T14:48:00.000-08:00

Uncle Hinky meandered onto Main Street. There is nothing wrong with meandering when your 100th birthday was "some time back." It was not meaningless meandering. Uncle Hinky knows nothing of meaninglessness. Every step he takes is purposeful. At his age, you really have to watch your step.

He likes to say that every age has its version of step-watching necessity.

When he was young, he felt the need to watch his step around ladies. When he was older, he felt the same need. Now he doesn't feel all that intimidated in that particular dimension of his life, but he is very careful about uneven sidewalks and potholes.

It's not that he isn't spry and he certainly isn't blind, but some things stand out as more immediate in their concerns.

Immediate concerns have always been a topic of interest for Uncle Hinky. Years ago, while on his ay to an important appointment he came across a mad skunk. Now skunks are friendly sites to Polecat Hollow dwellers, but mad skunks are a different matter. As well fed as these polecats are they sometimes grow as big as oversized poodles and this one was large and very, very rabid.

He had a choice and it seemed to him in that moment that if he did not address the immediate concern, the long term considerations would become moot.

There's more to that story than he has ever told and some day I'd like to hear the rest of it.

There were no rabid skunks in site this day - just a few mad people. Sarah Mickleheart was mad at her next door neighbor for leaving the sprinklers on all night and flooding the street. It wouldn't have been so bad if Sarah had been paying attention and watching her step when she stepped on the curb in her slippers on her morning paper retrieval. So much for those slippers.

The mayor's wife was mad at him and he at her for some misunderstanding the night before. Someone was careless about some remark in response to some careless deed and feelings were bruised.

Hinky has an ear for things and he heard murmerings here and there - mostly about immediate concerns that didn't seem to have as long term a significance as mad skunks. Mad people, he thought, maybe needed to take the longer view, watch their steps and meander through life a little more.

Double Back

2006-03-20T14:06:00.000-08:00

First you turn west at I1800. That's "I" for imagination. Then you make a left here and a right there and a few other turns into the obscurity of ambiguity until you begin a long elevation to the peak of the mountain where you'll find a broken down old sign that says, "Double Back."

You can take that as an instruction, and warning, or an indication that you are about to enter Doubleback County and begin your descent into Polecat Hollow.

Whatever you decide, be advised: There is no turning back from this point on. Once you have been there, you'll keep coming back. Your perspective will change. You'll be quirkier and quicker and it will be a tad more difficult to distinguish between reality and fantasy.

Most of all, it will effect your senses. What once repulsed, will entice. What once irked will invite your interest. What once seemed absurd will seem quite normal.

You've been warned. Enter at your own risk.

In short, you will soon agree with the locals that skunks really are sweet.